God Knows What To Do With It All

I have so many, more than I can recall in one moment, times that are scary and dark in my life. Yet, how would you know unless you have known me all my life or if I have shared them with you.

I think, why WOULD I share them? They're so messed up. But surely God has a purpose for all of the darkness from my past now that I serve Him.

Maybe, to share is to heal, to heal is to learn, to learn is to teach.

I'm no longer sad about most of the scary and dark moments (there are a few I am still sad about) but I do ponder their existence in what would appear to be my average, ordinary life.

Isn't it amazing that someones life can be made up of so many events and we not ever know them? I wonder about the experiences my friends have lived through that I don't even know about.

When do you lay it out? Who do you lay it out to? It doesn't seem there would ever be anyone in my life that I could tell the beginning forward to current chapter; I figure they would be in disbelief anyway.

I keep writing it all down in my journal as I remember events, people, places, smells, voices, conversations, and all the rest. Maybe someday, it will all come together and make sense as to it's existence. If not, I'm okay with that. God knows what to do with it all . . .

. . . even if I don't.