I'm consumed with eating...not what I eat. I know this has been the situation for as long as I can remember. When am I going to get to eat? What am I going to eat? Who will be watching? Who will be inventorying my consumption? Am I paranoid?
Today, I ate 2 egg whites w/cheddar cheese on skinny toast and 1/2 c. unsweetened apple sauce. It was good and I tried not to be cranky that I was now becoming aware of what I was (and wasn't) eating. I'm satisfied. Not hungry.
I've always been fat even when I weighed 115. When did this inner self decide that was who I was and would become? I don't know if that thinking will ever change. It may be a demon beckoning me back my whole life.
More later...
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